just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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