Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
