I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
