hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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