I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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