I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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