I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
