Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
