hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
