Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
