I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
