i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
