It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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