It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
