I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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