if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
