And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
