You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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