What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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