Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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