I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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