This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
