There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
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Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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