you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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