3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
