she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
