honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
honey bunches of taint.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
