I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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