Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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