It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
