Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
