So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
