Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
