names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
