I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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