her vagine was all disorganized.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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