I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize