just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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