In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
