honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
