you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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