im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
