Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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