Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
