Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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