The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
