If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
