I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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