I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
