Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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