I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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