i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
