i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
