i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
