When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
