Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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