Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
