I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
