I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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