Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
