im having a threesome with these popsicles
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
