im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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