you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
