I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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