i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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