I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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