don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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