I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
