I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
