we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
