Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
