smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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