youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
