They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
