Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
