i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
